The LEEving LEEzard | Bachelorette Week 5 (Night 2)

Here we are again for Night 2, waiting for Kenny and Lee to dance fight. 

I'm envisioning a little Riff and Bernardo tussle but those guys were artists and these guys are just idiots. 

Lawyer Rach brings down the hammer and tells Lee that his shivering reptilian behind will be staying on the riverbank... alone. 

Kenny can't help himself and goes back to tell-of Lee one last time. Rach is 9000% done with this shit. 

After the Klan comes back to pick up their fallen brother, Rachel and Kenny spend some time with each other and address the weirdness and he ultimately gets that date rose. 

Kenny's cat kid gets on FaceTime again and makes Kenny (and America) cry big ol' fat tears. 

But wait, my roommate points out that Kenny has NOT been punched in the face yet...

WE NEED ANSWERS.

The Rose Ceremony

Cocktail party is back on the menu because Rachel feels a connection with every one of these guys. 

I know that she gives Matt the last rose because I saw her making out with him HARDCORE in a promo and we haven't seen that scene yet. 

We say goodbye to Josiah and Anthony, one a stoic gentlemen, the other, a just... not. 

To get away from Josiah's rant, the rest of them flee to Denmark.

One-on-One #1

Eric finally gets the one-on-one time he's been whining about since week 1. 

Do they get a bonus every time they say Copenhagen on this date?

After a day full of danish manhood and beer, the couple gets real and they talk about sappy stuff. 

Do we care? 

I just need to know how Kenny busted his eye. 

Group Date

BY THE HAMMER OF THOR! The guys are ready to get their Viking on. 

I know a thing or two about Vikings, being descended from the raping and pillaging Scot-Danes and a former employee of the History Channel. 

They duke it out in various Nordic games, leaving Adam and Kenny to spill some blood on the shields they really don't know how to use. 

At the end of the day Kenny became the Viking King, but Peter and Bryan get the serious talks while King Kenny sulks in his mock turtle neck about not seeing his daughter. 

Rachel finds her out and sends Young Kenneth back to his baby girl. 

Peter nabs that group date rose, redeeming himself from last night's stutter step. 

One-on-One #2

Will and Rachel take a casual jaunt over to Sweden and have a picture perfect montage, but as they stand atop a castle overlooking the sea, Rachel's like "Ummmmmm, do I even like him?"

Will and Rachel chat a little before she tells him that her high expectations were not met, so he must go home. 

My heart is breaking. 

And so is my Fantasy League ranking. 

The OTHER Rose Ceremony

It's too tough, the ties in this room are too tacky and the decisions are too hard.

Rach needs a breather. 

Alex bids adieu to this "journey" and everyone is still staring slack-jawed at the TV wondering how Will is gone.